Making a mistake is human; to blame the next guy for the mistake is even more human. Blaming others is an international pastime; most politicians spend more than half of their time and energy blaming others for their situation. Blaming is probably the only game which is universally played all over the planet. Almost everyone in this world plays this game, from the poorest popper to the richest billionaire. If you are still not convinced just watch the TV or read the newspaper, you will find talk show pundits and columnists making money blaming others. It is a tragedy that everyone is trying to find a target outside themselves for their failures and discomfort. Well, we have to understand that blame game is the second most ancient game ever played by human beings, hide and seek being the first (Gen 3).
Dr. Lynne Namka a Licensed Psychologist notes “For some people, the first reaction to a problem is to find someone to blame. Blaming is a defense mechanism to avoid taking personal responsibility for the situation. The blamer rapidly finds fault in the other person and criticizes them. Trying to find a solution to the problem is much better than looking for someone to blame. People who blame others or situations without taking responsibility for their contribution to the problem never get the sense of satisfaction of growth. By refusing to see their own errors, they lose the opportunity to change the very aspects of themselves that keep them stuck.”
Making a mistake is human; to blame the next guy for the mistake is even more human.
Blaming others is a big relief for many because you have now nailed down someone or something outside you who is the reason for failure. Don’t give me that look, it’s not me, it’s my brother or sister. Oh the joy of finding a scapegoat is so overwhelming because they think they have figured out the cause that would protect their ego and self-image. While there are some who always are pointing fingers to others, there are others who sadly carry unnecessary guilt blaming themselves for every problem on the earth. It’s important to understand that failure has many factors and as individuals, you and I are one of the many factors.
Oh the joy of finding a scapegoat is so overwhelming, because they think they have figured out the cause that would protect their ego and self-image.
Failures, crisis and times of difficulty are always opportunities to learn and grow. Instead of using these opportunities to grow, many simply lose the focus, blame others and get stuck in self-pity. If you have your Bibles please read chapters 14 – 17 of the book of Exodus and you will be amazed how often the children of Israel blamed Moses and Aaron for their predicament. Moses was not the reason why they were stuck on the banks of the river with their enemies chasing them; in fact Moses risked everything to bring these people out of slavery, however at the moment all the Israelites could see was Moses and they happily made him the scapegoat.
Father Andrew Demotses says “By blaming others, we fail to acknowledge our own personal failures, and thereby rob ourselves of the opportunity to repent, to learn from our mistakes…the moment we blame another for something which is our personal responsibility, we do nothing less than condemn ourselves to repeat our mistake.” Jesus said “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? …Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3-5) Blaming ruins our relationships with others, because in our attempt to find a scapegoat we often blame innocent people who love and care for us. What’s worse is while the blamer remains defiant, aggressive and inconsiderate; the person who is blamed suffers with guilt, frustration, anger and isolation. In all relationships blaming others is a ‘lose-lose’ equation. In the words of John Burroughs “A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.”
Golf professional Chi Chi Rodriguez says “Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It’s a “drag-me-down” mind-set that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is contingent on the actions and behavior of others, which you can’t control. When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as a choice maker. You will know that when you are upset, you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings. Life is a great deal more fun and much easier to manage when you stop blaming others. Give it a try and see what happens.”
“A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.” – John Burroughs
– – Author: Rev. Francis Burgula – –
